Artificial Dragon

Formula1 on CBS

I have been a great fan of F1 and I feel the same as the one expressed by this angry F1 fan. CBS sucks!!!

"After watching Formula 1 on Speed Channel for several years, it pains me to even consider the thought of suffering through it on CBS. This is the fourth race this season that CBS has covered…or not actually…and it was even worse than the previous three.

That is something I didn’t think was possible, but CBS managed to outdo themselves with what amounts to a disgrace to Formula 1.

First of all, CBS does not cover the race live. I guess in their ultimate wisdom, they think that the most watched form of racing worldwide has no value here in the States. That in and off itself is a lesson in patent stupidity, as why on earth would you spend the money to cover the event, and then decide to show the event over 2 hours after it had already been completed?

To those apparently learning impaired at CBS: The fans of Formula 1 in the States wake up early in the morning, drink tons of coffee to stay up late and all other measures it takes to watch the race live. With Speed Channel, that’s never a problem. With you, unless it’s on American or Canadian soil, it is. Why? Do you honestly think we’ll just sit around and wait for your lame broadcast with commentators so dense it’s a wonder they don’t start a collective black hole in the press box? No. We don’t. We hit Formula1.com and watch the live thread and follow along. Want to know why your ratings are crap? Think about it. Do you broadcast football games 2 hours after they’re over? No, you don’t. You think maybe that’s why? Yep. It sure is.

That being said, let’s talk about your choice (or lack thereof) of commentators. I don’t know who it was you had in that booth, but they define the word nimrod. All of them. Well, there was one person that seemed to at least know the difference between a BAR and a Ferrari…but other than that, it was ludicrous. The comments were so bad, that after only a few minutes, I decided to write some of them down. Imagine my surprise when I couldn’t write fast enough to keep up with the moronic comments. Below are some samples. This is not a complete list, but I think you’ll get the idea.

- A car is entering the pits. (Long silence) It’s a…(pause) It’s Sato.
This one is funny for one major reason. BAR is the only base white car on the track. You can tell it from any other car instantly. No other car even remotely resembles it. If you don’t know the cars and teams and drivers, DO NOT attempt to commentate the race.

-And it’s a good battle between Klien, Rubens and Massa
This one is hysterical. Massa wasn’t even there. It was a Minardi driven by Albers that was going a lap down.

-They’re probably investigating him for a blue flag violation…they wave those blue flags to tell the slower car to pull over and let the faster car through.
This was fantastic. It was over the “Incident involving car number 20”. The idiot assumed that JV was going to be allowed to pass Doornbos. Here’s a tip from your uncle Tom: There were NO blue flags. Blue flags are only used on lap cars, not slower cars. You have the right to attempt to hang on to your position. The investigation was because they refueled Doornbos and changed one of his tires at the same time, which is illegal. He was later given a drive through penalty for it. Again, if you have no idea what you’re talking about, keep your mouth shut.

-The brakes can reach temperatures just over 1100 degrees Fahrenheit.
Now THAT’S the understatement of the year. Carbon Fiber brakes on Formula 1 cars routinely reach 1000 degreed CELCIUS. That’s just over 1800 degrees Fahrenheit to those of you that don’t know.

-McLaren always run strong with Newey there…
This was hysterical. Again, not knowing the names, you really need to fire the guy that said that. Do you NOT brief anybody at all? Have they NEVER watched a Formula 1 season before? Just last year was the worst year in McLaren’s history. In fact, under Newey’s guidance in 2003, the MP 4-18 was built and was so terrible that it never even raced. They went straight on to the MP 4-19 and it was horrible as well until the B spec was introduced half way through the season.

-Alonso is just biding his time…
Look chump, when someone is pulling away from you at the rate of half a second per lap, you’re not biding your time. You’re getting your butt kicked. For God’s sake.

-The pit speed lane limit (er)
I heard that no less than 5 times. What is that exactly? Does it hold the car in the center of the lane automatically without driver input? Now, I know what the PIT LANE SPEED LIMITER is, but I’ve never heard of a PIT SPEED LANE LIMITER. Knucklehead.

-And Ferrari said they don’t want another top team on Bridgestones…
Really? Are you clinically insane? I’d like your source on that…because everyone at Ferrari and Bridgestone are on the record as saying another top team would be helpful in tire development in a BIG way. Good Lord, that guy needs to shut up.

-He resigned to stay with them.
Really? I figured he signed with them to go someplace else.

-He is been overshadowing his teammate…
Yes, we know Trulli has been taking Ralph to the cleaners, but how about saying something remotely resembling English.

-If your wondering why the crew is sitting in the garage with their helmets on…
Yea, we’re wondering. We have no idea. We have no idea why NASCAR crews, IRL crews, CART crews…in fact EVERY CREW IN MOTOR RACING do that. We really don’t. We figured they like to relax, take off their gear, have a cold beer and be totally unprepared in the event of an emergency. Please continue.

-In order to change those tires, something had to be wrong with them.
Really? I figured they were doing it just to have fun. Maybe for lack of anything better to do. In fact, since they didn't even change the tires I wondered where on earth that comment came from to begin with.

-Well, they were the same tires.
Part 2 of the comment above. Look nimrods, they were looking for damage. They pulled the tires so they could see if there was any damage to the brake systems and steering connections to the hub. After they looked for damage and deemed it OK, they put the tires back on and went racing. If you can’t even tell when a team is looking at a car for damage, again, do us and yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut.

-Those brakes are really glowing a lot…he must have a problem.
OK pea-brain…work with me here. They glow every time they’re used. OK? You talked about glowing brakes the whole race. You sounded like an idiot that has never seen brakes glow in his life. They do in every form of racing where they are used heavily. Alonso didn’t have a problem with his brakes. He was just fine. Get over the glowing brakes OK? Please?

-The flag workers aren’t in the best position…
Yes they are nimrod. Trulli simply ignored them. He saw the blue flags for several corners, but was more interested in his battle for position. He was penalized for ignoring the blue flags and not getting out of the lead cars way in a timely manner. For God’s sake, retire…or go commentate bowling or something.

-Starting last on the field today…
No idiot. He started last on the GRID. He was last IN the field. You can’t even get that right?

-Apparent gearbox transmission problems.
NEWS FLASH – The gearbox IS the transmission.

-And Michael’s brother Ralph is running in 6th place as well.
Really? Who else was in 6th with him?

-You’re back at the start of the grid from the start of the race.
I would try to let you know what you should have said there, but fact is I have no idea what you were trying to say.

-The Ferrari is using up a lot more roadway.
Roadway? What…did Michael decide to hit the streets in a fit of frustration and take on a few BMW 7 series’? It’s a TRACK.

-He’ll have to really fly to have a chance…
OK…that was the nail in the coffin for you. Juan couldn’t have caught Alonso with a rocket up his ass with 5 laps to go you idiot. I thought before I heard this one that you should be fired. I take that back, you should be shot.

-If Montoya didn’t start last on the field…
Again, it’s GRID nimrod! GRID. G – R – I – D. Say it with me now…I know you can do it.

-Couth - hard, Colt – hard, Colth – ard
How many different ways can you come up with to say David’s last name? Look guys, at least meet before the broadcast and pick one and stick with it.

-And the constructors is still up for grabs but Renault is leading in every way.
Oh for God’s sake, shut up.

Those are just a few examples of your complete and total stupidity. You show the race late, you have idiots that don’t know the first thing about what’s going on commentating the race…it just gets worse and worse.

Do us fans a favor: Take a page from Speed Channels book. Broadcast it live for the fans. It’s not like you have any programming worth watching on Sunday morning anyway. In fact, you don’t have any programming worth watching hardly at all…so what do you lose? Nothing. You can always re-broadcast it at noon for the non fans and hope to get a few viewers.

In closing, let me say that your coverage is without doubt the worst I’ve ever seen. I humbly ask…no, I’m BEGGING YOU, don’t cover any more Formula 1 events. Please. Pretty please with sugar on top. If you find that you have to, then at the very least give me a call. I can get a couple of buddies in there and we’ll commentate the race for you. At least we know what’s going on, who’s who and we’ve followed the sport for decades, so we’ll not make lame, stupid and totally uneducated comments.

I hope however, that you simply NEVER cover the sport again. EVER."

posted by Artificial Dragon @ 12:41 AM